Creativity lost. And then found.
For the most part, I'm a half glass full person. It isn't lost on me that my life is rich. Richer than any human being deserves simply for existing. I wonder about that sometimes. Why do I get to be here in a set of life circumstances that has been full of opportunity and for the most part, lacking in adversity? My childhood was enviable, my education solid, my genepool is healthy, my country (though a little crazy right now) is among the world's best, my grown sons are now my friends and even like to travel with me, my job is meaningful and has provided stability and my friends endure my stories, drink wine with me and tell me they love me. So when I feel lost, I try not to get stuck there. But sometimes I do.
The best way I've been able to describe these past several months is that it's been like being in the tunnel. The metaphoric tunnel that on some days is so long and curvy...like being in the tunnel maze from hell...that you can only imagine that there is an end to it that leads to the light, other days you can see the light, but you can't get there (and aren't sure if it's real light or the headlight of another oncoming train), and then the days where it keeps getting brighter and you know you're about the exit the damn thing. It's not actually being in the tunnel that is the most difficult. I don't think there is anything I could do to prevent it...shit happens. I'm a pretty good fixer and I know from experience that patience, wisdom, and time will resolve a lot of things. The most difficult thing is the coinciding loss of balance to life in general and the realization there wasn't much I could do to keep that from happening either.
The normal balance between work, family and friends, and protected time to make/create/be inspired is a balance I try to protect. When life goes sideways though, the scales become almost impossibly weighted. The tunnel wins. Creativity loses. Ugh. And what I'm learning now is that even when the scales start to right themselves again, it doesn't all come back into harmony at once. My working hypothesis at this point is that my mind has learned a new normal. A new normal that excluded spontaneous earring design ideas and the motivation to spend even a few minutes at a time at the bench or sewing machine or with power tools and pieces of wood, much less design and execute a big project. I don't know if it's a function of slower rebound because of age or a normal process of stress recovery, but whatever the reason, I know I nearly made a scene a couple of weeks ago when sitting in a meeting, I realized I was doodling on the edges in my notebook. And what did those doodles look like? They looked like earrings! Creativity lives!
I think when all is said and done, creativity will win. And if it gets lost as life moves on, I'll look forward to it winning again.
Leave a Reply.
Hi, I'm Donna. Long time artisan/creative. Full time work in nonprofit world. Mother of two adult sons. Currently, also mother of two cats.
The patience project. Because patience is a virtue. And a creative challenge.
Don't mess with imperfection. How copper and heat speak for themselves.
Politics and Art wage war inside me
Write 100 words, take a nap and share your mantra
Tile and wood floor...this year's winter project...kitchen renovation